You know what I love about working for myself? It often feels to me like a pilgrimage of my journey and how through my own perseverance I am able to find redemption. It makes me address all my struggles and allows space for me to grow my own capacity of self trust.
When I began this journey back in August 2022 with my husband, I had absolutely no idea how we were going to do this, but once I started the way appeared. It's funny to think after our very first group Breathwork workshop, quoting
Rumi “As you start to walk the way, the way appears”.
Don’t get me wrong there has been numerous times throughout this journey, where I have been absolutely terrified. I’ve been pushed to face things that I have struggled to face in the past. But every time I have faced each challenge, I realised how much capacity I have in myself to know the next step, like an inner resource of answers that has always lived within me. And by not doing this I would never have known the depths of this inner resource.
It feels like my whole life has prepared me for this moment. Prepared me in a way that I know in my heart of hearts, that I never want to look back. This is my path and I’m willing to go to all depths of me and persevere in something that LIGHTS ✨me up.
How many times I’ve looked at “seek- online job search engine” and felt absolutely NOTHING. It’s like looking into a world that no longer exists within me, If I had to be honest, I don’t think it ever was a world for me. I struggled in a way that killed my feminine and soul. It literally took me to a place of mental breakdown to realise it wasn’t for me, my body was screaming!
But I numbed that with a false sense of security with having a regular income & a job that came so naturally to me. It made me feel safe, but it also kept me fearful and stuck. I remember looking out the windows during those times and feeling a sense of dread.., is this really it?
I struggled hard during those days, I wanted out. But everyone around me was content in this life, I felt like I had nothing to complain about and that I just needed to accept my situation. Also, what the f$#k was I going to do? I'd always wanted to be of service, but how? I had completed my degree in Social Science, I dabbled in that field and felt so lost in a dream I had as a 17 Year old to be a Youth Worker. But when I tried to be in that field, it never worked out for me.
I think a lot of people believe when they talk to me I am too soft and maybe that is true. But why is softness bad? It never really made much sense to me. I got through my childhood and most of life being soft, but everywhere I went everyone wanted me to be hard. Which felt really debilitating for me.
Everything started crashing down for me when I started to go through a health crisis. My body knew this struggle wasn’t for me and I wasn’t listening at the time. This is the time my husband booked a Rebirthing Breathwork, it was our very first experience in November 2019 that would change the trajectory of our lives. But that's another story for now. There are a few aligning layers along our story.., ones I'll share through time.
I love that saying “choose your struggle”, because at the end of the day there will always be struggles. It’s choosing the struggles that are worth fighting for, after all this time I finally get it, get it in a way that feels embodied😅. Ooomph!!
This is the struggle I choose, it is the struggle that LIGHTS ✨ me up.
I remember opening a brand new showroom for a company I use to work for and the CEO rang to tell me “Just do your Magic”. I never really understood my magick back then, but I finally do now. It’s always been there, I just needed the right environment to encourage self trust. I could never see it with all the noise around me.
Recently, my two beautiful friends Rach & Nic introduced me to the Gene Keys, I was mesmerised when I learnt about my hologenetic profile, duh my genius lies in transforming my 'shadow of struggle' and the gift is to manifest through perseverance. It's like all my life this has been at play. Learning that bit of information just had connected all the pieces and stirred what I had already being feeling for 2024.
It's through the deeper understanding of myself, my fears, my limiting beliefs. I have been able to shift these layers. It’s like my world has shifted as I have shifted. It feels almost like a dream looking back. But there is nothing I love more than holding space for others as they journey into their inner world, in fact it has been my deepest honour, it truly humbles my heart. To be trusted with those magickal, wonderful, fragile pieces of ourselves is so heart expanding.
Something I’ve come to understand is we go through these experiences to share in the wisdom of these lessons.
If you’d like to journey with me click link below.
Big Hugs x
Mish
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